Ashley Madison

That is so true - it gets even more complicated than that if children are involved. I think my wife was sexually abused a as a child which she didn't tell me about and it has affected our intimacy to such an extent that it never happens. We have been to counseling many times with no real help. When I married her I thought it would go from not-so-good to better as time passed.

Sexual connections need to be both ways and I would never force her to have sex with me. I wouldn't have married her if I knew I would live a life basically alone, even though I love her. We have two great children - so I stay for the health of the family but really miss an intimate partnership.

Recently a woman that I have known for years indicated she was living in a similar situation .. it's really tempting to be in someones arms that wants you physically. I really miss it because it is deep down in my core, I love erotic thoughts and that hot steamy, wet sexual connection!

SteveO

He did not meet her NEEDS in turn she did not meet his NEEDS. Women GIVE sex when their needs are meat, they don't need it in the same way they need emotional connection, yes they need sex but not the same.

@Marina Okay for one sex is a huge part of a successful relationship, and if you're not getting it from your wife/husband partner whatever then you need to leave the relationship. Staying in a sexless relationship and finding sex elsewhere isn't the answer. It's that simple. And before anyone says how would you know, I do know and was married to someone for almost 13 years who I loved very much and still do. But sexually nothing, maybe twice a year, But I divorced him and it was the right thing to do. Not going out and having random sex with anyone that's not the answer, you just end up with a hot mess.

@Marina This is the most spot on comment I have ever read. If someone's spouse no longer wants sex the other party has no choice but to look elsewhere. Divorce is too messy and expensive, especially when sex is the only issue. The party who stops having sex has turned the marriage into a strictly friendship relationship. If there is any blame for an affair it falls entirely on that person. An affair only makes sense. Every instance of an affair outside a relationship must be judged on a case by case basis. There are no bright lines. My wife likes to initiate sex once a month to once every 2 to 3 months. I would like to have sex daily but would settle for twice a week. I am not going to force her to change. I am not going to put pressure on her to have sex. I tried talking to her about it on multiple occasions. Sometimes that led to an increase in frequency of sex but it would not last long. It always slipped back to a lack of sex. I tried proposing a schedule. I tried spontaneity. I don't even get angry about it anymore. Yes there is work and kids. But there are opportunities. They go missed 90-95% of the time. She is in therapy. To the best of my knowledge this is not addressed. If it is, nothing has changed in a year a therapy. No techniques are tried. There is no discussion initiated by her on the subject.

The one time I went with her to therapy we talked about me helping around the house more. Also I keep myself in great shape. I have Latin features. Here is what I have noticed the most. That when I pulled away sexually which was only very recently that her interest picked up a bit. But like every other solution I tried it has descended back into the old pattern. She just does not care enough about it to work on it or change it. But it is the only major problem in the relationship. We parent well together. We even play sports together when we can. We get along. There is no reason for a divorce. What there is a need for is for me to have sex with a human being on a semi-regular basis. I am under no illusions; my wife is never going to be that person. We need to stop putting sex on a pedestal. Some say, "all you guys think about is sex." It is wrong to focus one entire life on sex. It is also wrong to say that sex is the "end all be all" in a relationship. There is friendship, companionship, and parenting. All of those are more important than sex. So don't judge every person who strays.